—Mother-Son:-A True Incident —-Part 2
Nanaji fell silent. Maybe you are checking my reaction. Another calculation is going on in my mind. Now I felt that maybe the mother is sad about this and maybe even angry with me. I thought in my mind that even if I do not have to marry for their happiness, then I have no regrets. I want to keep them happy for the rest of my life.
Nanaji said again
“Look son .. someone should come and stand beside you in your life, share your every emotion properly, make it easy to walk in the path of life by staying with you in every uphill and downhill life. That’s why wife’s in everyone’s life. is needed.”
With tension what I was thinking, perhaps the impression of that was visible on my face. Nana Nani laughed because of this. Nanaji keeps on talking
“We have done all your work with good and bad thinking till today. Now if this last duty is also fulfilled properly then I can die peacefully.”
I started talking about my mother
“Nanaji… you are right… but……”
Man stopped. I want to know from mother first, is she sad about this thing !!. That’s why I get angry and away from me!! But Nanaji probably understood my dilemma and grabbed my words and said
“Son, first listen to what I am saying.. Then you can tell me with ease. If you feel that it is for the good of all of us, then tell it with such thinking, otherwise whatever is decided in the mind. Will you tell me only. There is no pressure on you. “
Saying this, Nanaji looks at Naniji. Naniji also agreed and shook her head and assured me.
Nanaji started speaking again
“Son… we gave everything to you from childhood, which everyone gets to the child, but could never give a thing”
I looked at Nanaji and started listening.
“Every child has the pleasure of calling someone ‘papa’ in luck, that we could never give you the fortune of getting. And now if you get married, you will also get a new mother and father.”
Then Nanaji came a little further, took my hand inside his hand, patted my hand twice with the other hand. And looking at me with a soft affectionate voice, he began to speak
“I am doing all this only with the good intention of all of us.
I started seeing eyes in my eyes after speaking. It took me a few moments to understand this. As soon as I understood the meaning of this, only then an unknown feeling started spreading in my body. Still to be confirmed, I do not see its effect in the throat, asked
“I mean, what do you want to say, grandpa?”
Nanaji Strat Speaking Lag
“Son, now I am not becoming your maternal grandfather, I am asking you as the father of a daughter, will you hold my daughter’s hand?”
Now a strange, wonderful feeling started happening inside me. Which I can’t describe. i only said
“Ehhhhhh…what are you saying Nanaji…”
“We dared to say this to you after much thought..”
I say controlling myself
“But…but…how will it happen…..how is it possible……”
“If we want, everything can happen son”
My mother’s face came before my eyes. I started thinking that after hearing all this, how will I face my mother now. And Nana Nani is talking openly to me in such a way that I have a shame, I don’t know what, i spoke
“Nanaji, how can we do this….not that somewhere…sometimes this happened!!”
Nanaji says in a calm voice
“Son…me and your grandmother thought about this..we are ready to bear anything for the happiness of us. We just want our daughter and our grandson to be always happy in life…”
then paused for a while
“And…and your mother has agreed to this relationship too.”
I was shocked. Does mother even know all this!! Is this why she is not coming in front of me!! That’s why I could not talk properly on the phone!! What’s more, he also approved to adopt this relationship. On a cold chill in my spine, a feeling of trembling in the heart spread slowly down to Jake’s whole body. My head started to tremble. Still I asked slowly with a little surprise and doubt.
“Do you guys talk to your mother also about this……and…and she….”
He fell silent in speaking. Nanaji said
“At first she got very angry with us. Was very angry. Didn’t even talk properly for three days, didn’t even eat food. Locked the room all day and stayed inside. Then after two more days the situation became a little easier. Manju too gradually started to soften a little. And yesterday when you talked about Manju with your grandmother, then only we could know.
A lot of thoughts in my mind, started thronging with worry. I was sitting without saying anything. Nanaji said
“We are not forcefully imposing our wishes on you. There is no need to answer so quickly. You take time to think. Then tell. Whatever your opinion, we will accept it with love.”
In that day, with a lot of worry and new feelings, he slowly came out of Nana ji’s room and came to my room. In my absence, my bed has been made a perfect fit, Ma. I couldn’t even think much. Just went and sang. Sleep was not coming. In between, a new excitement began to tremble. The feeling which was inside my mind, today it is really going to happen. Locked in a thrill, he remained lying with his eyes closed. I don’t know how the time went by like this. Decided to take some decision by sleeping alone till late at night. But the condition was such that before that, to lighten himself, he started moving his penis from inside the pajama. Penis felt much hotter today. I threw hot semen full body like rain by hitting hard. The mind started to calm down because by then perhaps some decision had been made in me unknowingly. And slowly, a peaceful sleep started coming.
The next day was Sunday, I got up early in the morning, I always get up early, mother has made me this habit. Mother has mostly made this habit since childhood by following me. Mother always used to say that if I wake up and study, then everything will be remembered soon. Mother has inculcated many such good habits in me. That’s why I have been feeling his presence every moment while walking on the path of life. She is the only woman who is covered in my whole heart. Maybe that’s why no other girl could ever make a place in my mind
As soon as I woke up in the morning, I saw the first ray of the sun coming in from the window and filled the whole house with light. There is some noise coming from outside the window. Above the fan is spinning at full speed, yet the heat is not going. But apart from all this, I am feeling a cold cold feeling in my heart, which has filled my whole body with an intoxicating passion. What Nanaji said last night, it may not happen in this world . Society does not recognize that thing. But everyone in our house..ie’s maternal grandfather, grandmother and mother…everything agrees in this. Everyone wants this only for our own good. And whatever obstacle will have to be faced for him, whatever crisis will come to the fore, which will have to be sacrificing, those people are ready to face everything, to face it. So what to think about the outside world!! And mother is also a woman. For the last 6 years, I have been in love with the woman who is inside him, by keeping it hidden inside myself, by creating a world of imagination. The ball is in my court now. If I want, that tender hearted woman can be mine for life, in this real world, can become my life partner, can become my wife, can become the mother of my children. In a happy mood, I lay on the bed with my eyes closed. Then knocking on the door, Nanaji called for breakfast.
Now this is the hardest time of my life so far. There has been a situation where everyone knows a secret. And from above, any one of these people is also aware that this secret is also known to everyone else. Still no one is able to say anything in this matter. Everyone is trying to remain the same as before, but inside, do not know whether one thing is keeping everyone a little different from each other. There is only one difference empty. Out of all of us, only the mother is staying hidden from everyone’s eyes. Specially my The situation at the breakfast table was the same as last night. Mother is sending food from the kitchen from the hand of the grandmother. Today only everyone is speaking a little less.
The whole day went on like this. From Nana Nani I tried to be comfortable. Yet a part of the brain is preventing everything from becoming normal. Those people are also talking among themselves but slowly, sometimes staying away from me or out of my sight. But I could feel everything. Started spending more time in the drawing room. For this the mother did not even appear. Because I understood that the mother is only going to her room and kitchen from the back barandah. So she is hesitant to come in front of me. Maybe shame has surrounded them
As usual I left on Sunday night to go to the station. I used to travel at night to go to MP. Why in the night I used to reach the MP sleeping in my sleep. In this, sleep would also happen and time would also be managed. Like every time, this time everything did not happen as before. In this time, he started preparing to go out quietly. Nana Nani is also standing silently with a smile on his face. As soon as Nani’s foot left, he silently hugged me. And for a few moments she held it like this. Like he is giving me some support. Filling my inner thoughts with a supreme love. When he left me, a mother’s affectionate voice said, “Take care of yourself”. I nodded my head in silence. Nanaji came near me and patted his right hand on my back. When I went to touch his feet, he asked to make the situation easier. “What the hell… Apna Hitesh is doing such a big job in such a big office, now he is not a child. He is now thinking of his life’s good and evil on his own.” could…”. Then looking at me said “is it or not?” , I smiled silently and started lifting my bag. My mind was saying a lot that I should go to meet my mother once. But since last night, I am not able to go in front of him, not for stubbornness, a hesitation has surrounded me. A shame has kept me away from him. I am not able to go in front of him even after taking my step. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to embarrass them any more than me by putting them in an awkward situation. He did not want to put him in such a situation where he would hurt himself in shame and guilt. Even then, before leaving, I was getting tired to have a glimpse of him. Turning back from the door, while saying “bye” to Nana Nani, he looked inside stealthily. The mind was thinking, maybe she would be standing there somewhere. But I left disappointed
There was work pressure in the office. I started working with all my might.
Still, that thing always remained in my mind. Been thinking about this for the whole week. That thing used to come in my mind even in the office or at the time of site visit. Whenever I used to think about it a little carefully, then a whiff of happiness used to hold me. The whole week was passing in one such happiness and one tension.
I didn’t even call my mother after coming back. Whenever I thought to call, I was surrounded by shame and an unknown feeling. Naniji once called and asked about my condition. Just…and neither did they, nor I…we were not talking to anyone.
In this way slowly thinking of everything, thinking everything right, a light kept arising in my mind. My heart has also reached a firm decision now. And as soon as my mind accepted that decision, since then a feeling of joy and happiness has spread in me. I came out of hesitation and wanted to tell my decision to Nanaji.
Finally, that Friday, I called Nanaji after dinner. Nanaji picked up the phone and said
“Hello.”
I couldn’t say anything right away. said after a while
“Hello Nanaji.. have you not slept?”
“No no son….did not sleep..just getting ready to sleep”.
There’s a lot going on in my mind. How to say what he is not in the mouth properly. I could only say “Ah good…” in reply. Then seeing my silence, even Nanaji started looking for the matter and said
“How’s the team son?”
“I’m fine”
“Have you had dinner?”
“Haji….”
There was silence from the fur. Today thousands of obstacles, thousands of worries, thousands of feelings are sitting heavy on my heart. But today I have to speak by breaking everything, removing all the obstacles that I called to speak. Seeing my silence like this, Nanaji asked
“Hitesh… son you… want to say something?”
As soon as I said “Hmmmm” in response, a current played in my body. Whole body started trembling. Controlling myself I said
“Nanaji,….. you guys are much older than me. And always thinking of my good and evil……”
Then I stopped. Things started to decorate in my mind. But I understood that Nanaji started listening very silently very carefully. Maybe he was even trying to get into the language of my silence. i started talking again
“If….if……you people think that…..in this only everyone is good…..all will be happy in this…….and. …… and ….. mother is also healthy with this ……. so ……….”
I stopped. After telling this, a joy and a wonderful feeling started running in the blood of my whole body. Nanaji suddenly said with a slight laugh in the voice
“I understand son. Don’t you worry at all. Everything will be fine.
You just come home tomorrow. Will do the rest by sitting at home.
That night I did not need any picture, nor any mind, the world needed. I was completely thrilled at the thought of what is going to happen in the coming tomorrow, taking it on my own bed. For so many days, the thing that has been kept only in a small room inside my mind. Today suddenly that thing is going to come true in this outside real world. The light of the blue night lamp in my room is spread all over. Thinking of all this, I untied my pajamas. Already my penis was swelling with joy by feeling its coming time.
.I started caressing him slowly by holding him with full fist. As soon as I close my eyes, my mother is standing in front of my eyes with her bent eyes. I got more excited thinking that this beautiful woman is going to be only mine in a few days. My wife is about to become. My penis cap swelled even more at this thought. I started moving fast. And imagining the mangalsutra given to me around my mother’s neck and the vermilion of my name in demand, I reached towards orgasm. My balls swelled up and the seaman got ready to shoot. I took a quick breath and only started saying ‘Ma.. I love you love you Ma.. I love you’. Imagining my mother’s soft pussy, which only I will have the right to access after just a few days, feeling the pleasure of releasing my semen inside her, my full bloated fat penis started eating loudly and suddenly blew mine. The semen started filling my face, throat, chest all by filling it. Today for the first time so many semen came out that I was surprised myself. When my orgasm was complete, I lay on the bed with my eyes closed peacefully.
Next day is Saturday. Like every time, I went to the office in the morning shift, just signed up and left early for the station. Now I have a new feeling. Now my mother must have known my decision too. And everyone at home knows that both of us have given approval for this relationship. So now I started thinking that how will I face all these now.
Like before, this time too I got a warm welcome at home. But still I started feeling a little difference. Nana Nani welcomed me as if I am an outsider and very respected. I was a little embarrassed to think that they are doing this, perhaps because I am going to become their son-in-law in a few days.
I went to my room to get fresh. summer time. So I wanted to take a bath again. He was taking a bath while standing under the shower. It feels great to take a bath with cold water. I rubbed my whole body with my hand and started bathing with the goodness of the rub. When my hand touched my penis, I looked down. Penis was now in its normal size. Taking him in his hand, thought that son, and for a few days, where you feel the most comfort and peace by entering in the imagination, you are going to get it, for the whole life. Thinking of this, the penis began to swell. I immediately left him and cleaned everything around him and came out of the shower.
Wearing a pajama and t-shirt, he came out of the room and looked towards his mother’s room. It thrilled me to think that my future wife was roaming around me. I started having a desire to meet my mother. But now she will probably be with Nani. So I started thinking that how, where will I be able to meet him in private.
The man came to the drawing room and started watching TV news sitting next to Nana ji. Then Nani ji took some sweets in a plate and placed them on the center table in front of me. I used to get tea at this time. Had expected the same today. Suddenly today seeing a plate of sweets like this, I said like this
“What is this…. who will eat this sweet-fitai right now, Nani ji?”
Naniji said keeping the glass of water comfortably
“Why… you will eat”
I casually said
“Hey nanny, I don’t want this sweet… want a hot tea now”
Nani smiled looking at me and said
“Tea will also be offered to you. But eat this before that. Now this house is going to become your own house as well as your in-laws’ house. So if you start by eating sweet, the relationship will also be sweet.” A smile started spreading on the face. I immediately started to blush a little, hearing such open talk. Look at me, smile and speak
“eat up”
To sum it up, the man started eating by picking up the plate silently and looked at the TV and started trying to make the situation comfortable.
After sometime Nani came again and came and sat beside Nana. Then Nanaji turned off the TV and started talking to me. Those people slowly started getting serious and started asking me my opinion in many things. Like where, how to do the wedding program. We never had many relatives, and whoever they were, due to lack of meeting in the last few years, all got separated. So there is no problem in that. The problem is with our locality and neighbors and some friends. We have to do everything to avoid these people. That’s why it was decided that not here, and somewhere else, a program of marriage will have to be made. That is, going to a distant place, where no one knows anything about our relations. There Jake will have to complete the wedding ceremony. Then Nani remembered that a few years ago, we all had attended the wedding of a friend’s daughter from Nana ji’s business line in Mumbai. Actually that place was not inside Mumbai City. The wedding took place in a resort on the side of the Mumbai-Gujarat highway, a few kilometers away from Mumbai. The special thing there was that it is completely alone, it also provides accommodation for the resort and everyone attending the wedding. Together, the most important thing is the arrangement of the wedding ceremony–from the Pandit to the registered sahib, all those people give. ..that was a big wedding, but we don’t want all that. Arrangement to complete the rituals of empty marriage, arrangement for the stay of four of us. Just what else. I started hesitant in all this discussion and was not able to talk openly. But Nana Ji said “Hey son, all these are important things in your life. In this you should come forward openly. And we are with you.” Then I started getting a little comfortable and started doing all the planning with Nana ji.
In the midst of all these things, this thinking is going on in my mind that by any means, I have to meet my mother once. I also knew that I would not be able to meet my mother so easily. She is deliberately staying away from me. Absolutely no chance is too late to come face to face. That’s why I can’t even see his face properly. But while talking to Nana ji, a glimpse came in my mind. I meet Rukh Ne Ko at home only one night. In the second night i.e. on Sunday night, I would go out for MP. So I have to meet mom tonight only. In solitude So many things are happening. Till the wedding planning started. And till now the bride and groom have not been able to talk even once, I have to talk to them once.
Nothing happened on the dinner table after getting married. The food that I like in the bus, the same things Nani ji is giving me more and more. I knew that mother made all this for me. Today she is shy to come forward, that’s why she is sending everything again and again with the hands of her grandmother. I am refusing, but Nani ji only “It is made for you. Why won’t you eat?” And then looking at me, she said with a smile
“Just a few more poor people….. eat the food of your grandmother’s hand… then you will have to eat food from your hands.” After speaking, a little laugh went towards the kitchen. Nana ji also started laughing at this. I was walking inside in shame.
After dinner, I was sitting in Nana ji’s room and talking. Nanaji asked that now I have to shift to a new house that I have to keep the same house, I told that this house is fine for the time being. It is a very big house. Nani ji started saying that now I was alone, everything used to go on. But now the family will remain. Yes..it must be a very small family, only of husband and wife, yet it is a family. So all the things will also have to be arranged for him. I said that there is no concern on that matter. He can handle it all on his own. Then only it came to light that whatever is the concern about the resort and marriage in Mumbai. Nana ji said that it is okay, now you have an office too. There is also a site supervisor. So you look at all arrangements for staying in MP. And I finalize the resort Vagera. But before that an auspicious day of marriage, auspicious time has to be found. While all these things were happening, then something else was going on in my mind. If that thing is missed, then it will probably be impossible to meet the mother. I immediately ended the discussion and came out of Nana ji’s room. And as soon as I started going towards the drawing room, I saw the light of my room turned on. There was such a feeling in my chest that something started coming out of my chest and suddenly my body became light.
I slowly started walking towards my room. I knew that when I am not there, then mother will come and fix my bed. And that’s why after having dinner and going to Nanaji’s room, he was waiting for the opportunity. The closer I was getting closer, the more nervous I was getting. There was also a strange feeling and also an intoxication. What would happen after facing the mother, he did not know. Seeing her how I would react or how she would react, it was all unknown. Still, I want to see him from the front once. I want to talk
When I go near the door, he can feel my presence. With her back to me, leaning a little, the mosquito net was inserting right from all sides to the side of the bed. As soon as I came, she suddenly stopped all that and stood up, her full back side is on my side. She was wearing a light yellow colored printed saree and matching blouse. The top of the blouse was fair blonde, cream-like roots, graceful neck and the upper part of the pelt was visible, the hair was tied in a connected. His body curve sloped down and came from both sides and got into his thin waist. Saree tight hock is increased from above her buttocks. From him, he came even more in front of him. Till today the thing which used to happen in my fantasy world, today it happened for the first time that seeing them in front of them, my penis started getting hard inside the pajamas. He became stable by holding the stand of the bed with his right hand. In the midst of all this, what has been happening for a few days, today for the first time I found my mother in solitude. Seeing him standing with his head bowed in the same way, suddenly all the nervousness inside me started disappearing and a strange trance started filtering in me. The feeling and love which was hidden for him for the last 6 years, today that love, that feeling started coming in my heart for the first time in this real world. I thought a lot about my mother throughout the day, but now that she is standing in front, I have forgotten everything. Only the same water wave started flowing in my chest. I went inside the room. She started rubbing it on the stand of the bed with the thumb nail of her right hand. I said looking at them
“Mama……actually…..means……I really love you very much”
On hearing this, the mother probably trembled a little. Then control yourself and stand there. I really wanted to see his face. I walked slowly to my study table. From there his side profile was visible, his face was covered with shame. The eyes are inclined towards the toes. From here I can see some part of his stomach. Just flat. Looking at that side, I started thinking that one day my child will come inside that stomach. I was even more thrilled at the thought and my own penis hardened inside the pajamas. As soon as I left the door and came inside and started thinking about all this silently, she turned quickly, turned back towards me, hurriedly left the house. I started watching his departure. Such a beautiful woman, whom I love, respect, even want, I am going to spend the whole life with her. This thought filled my mind with happiness.
That night, sleeping in the bed made by my mother with my eyes closed, I could feel her touch. It seemed as if he was very close to me, very close. There is a gap of only a few days. Then that beautiful, soft, lovely lady, will be in my arms every night and I will love her dearly. I will never let them feel any sorrow. Always want to see his smiling face. I will bring all the happiness of the world in front of him while playing the religion of a good husband. I will always keep his body and mind with joy. I was heated by all these things. Still, I swore in my heart that from today onwards I will share every happiness of my body and mind with him. So he did not want to take pleasure in that night alone by musterbatting. I want to do everything only with them. And I want to give them complete satisfaction in our honeymoon.
And when sleep came in my eyes and took me away in an ocean of happiness, I did not know that.
Next day night at 10 baje, my need breaks. I am still in office clothes. After breaking my sleep, I was confused for some time. I could not understand where I am and what is it now–morning or night!! And how did this happen!! He regained consciousness after the initial deviation cut. Due to late night sleep, he got up late in the morning. Sleep was broken due to the ringing of the mobile. A call from a senior office colleague. He is taking leave tomorrow for some urgent work. So he won’t be able to visit the site tomorrow, so asked me to leave. As soon as I confirmed him, he said thanks to me. And after talking here and there, the phone was cut off. I quickly got out of bed and went to the bathroom to get fresh. Office talks were going on inside me. While I was brushing my teeth while standing in front of the mirror, I was looking at myself in the mirror. Suddenly it came to my mind, Hey I am getting married and after getting married quietly, when I reach MP with wife, then everyone in the office will know. Then how will I face everyone? Then thought that it will be okay when it happens. But more than all these things came to my mind about last night. I had met my mother yesterday that too in solitude. I had to tell her a lot, I also had to ask a lot, but when she came in front, I forgot everything. I had thought so much throughout the day, but nothing could happen in front of him. I come in a wonderful feeling and mess everything up. I understood that an internal war which is going on inside my mind for the last three-four days, it is the result of that. Yes….It is true that the kind of love a boy has for a girl, I have that love for him. But those whom I have been seeing as a mother since childhood, now they will have to be seen as a wife. Forgetting the old relationship, now you have to step into the new relationship. When it is not in front, then the mind assumes all this. But now when she came to the fore, I came to know that I have to remove a lot of feelings and inhibitions in me to actually adopt that new relationship with her in the world. I started pushing my mind. If I had met him before going back today, my heart would have got some peace, but I also know that the chances of this are very less.
When I came to the drawing room, there mother was talking with her maternal grandparents. It is understood from everyone’s body language that there is nothing serious, they are talking like this. But as soon as I entered the drawing room, she raised her eyes and saw me once and quickly looked at Sharma’s grandmother again and said something and immediately started leaving from there. And left through the door on the side of the kitchen. I understood that mother is also in a situation like me. Perhaps his mind must also be wishing that he should meet me, talk, but his inner feelings and hesitation are stopping him from doing all that. He must be struggling with himself like me. Till now, his son was his own blood, who from childhood made a young boy of Pal Pos, who has been raised by giving mother’s love, love and affection, that young boy will no longer be considered as her husband. She will have to give husband rights. His body and mind will not be handed over to him. Will have to join him in a new sacred relationship. But seeing them, it comes to know that she too is definitely trying to get out of all this thinking and hesitation. Because in her eyes, in her behavior, and in her gestures, it is clear that she is no longer a mother, not a lonely sad woman, but she is feeling herself like a girl. The one who is about to get married and is shying away from her future husband.
Nanaji left after breakfast to meet Panditji. To know the auspicious day of marriage, auspicious time. He is going to go to Ahmedabad city and meet some good Pandit ji, away from the people we know. That’s why they are also taking time to come back. I was sitting in the drawing room watching TV, but I wanted to sit and talk with my mother, holding her beautiful face in my hands, wanting to see her eyes. But this is not possible. Although we all know that both are ready for this relationship, and in just a few days we are going to join the holy bond of husband and wife. But now I am not able to become so shameless that I should do all this with my mother in front of my grandmother. Nani left mother alone in the kitchen and sat in the sofa chair placed by my side. Then she started talking to me. I turned off the TV and turned towards him and started listening to him. He kept asking me the same thing about last night. How many days in advance booking has to be taken in the resort which will be married in Mumbai. Now the wedding season is about to come. What if everything is booked? All the questions and answers were going on but my mind is lying in the kitchen where mother is cooking alone. Nani is talking very seriously. Nani ji is very happy with this new relationship of mother with me. The life of one of his returned daughters is only full of sorrow. Now life is giving them a second chance to live happily, peacefully. A dream of living life by forming a new family with the love of husband is going to be fulfilled. Nani ji got emotional. His eyes started getting wet. She bent down and started holding my hand inside his hand saying
“Son, I wish you both my heartfelt blessings. May you keep loving each other for the rest of your life. Live with laughter, happiness, joy and peace. Be happy creating a new world with your family, your children . …”
Nani’s eyes started filling with water. “Son, for the good of all of us, for your own family, for what you are doing today, how can you…”
Nani could not speak anymore. His throat started getting tied. She is just looking at me with a loving and loving, grateful look. I got emotional too. I took his hand in my fist, expressed my approval by pressing a little and said
“Nani ji… don’t worry at all. I will keep your daughter happy. And we will all be happy together.”
A smile started appearing on Nani’s lips. And then with a little laugh, lovingly licked my cheek and said
“Mad boy… why should I have a nanny now !!!…
She started laughing and I was drowning in shame
At lunch time, the situation was something else, Nanaji had come to meet Panditji without worrying, opened his shirt and placed it on the chair in his bedroom. When Nanaji had gone to take a bath, the grandmother went to hang that shirt in the hangar. And then a packet of cigarettes was found from the pocket of the shirt. Nanaji does all this by hiding from the grandmother. But today he forgot this by mistake. And got caught. And since then Nani started scolding Nanaji. She used to talk a lot like this, today got this point from above to say more. Nanaji was quietly eating like a thief sitting at the table, I also started eating without interfering much. When Nani scolds Nana, then whoever supports Nana will not get mercy from Nani. I had come to see it since childhood. Was eating food and was looking at both of them raising their eyes in the middle, suddenly my eyes fell on the kitchen door behind them. I saw my mother hiding behind the kitchen door and looking straight at me. I could see the glimmer of happiness in his eyes, and the loving smile on his lips. But as soon as I met her, she quickly hid inside. Like a teenage girl hides from shame after seeing her lover. A feeling like a ripple of water in my chest went inside my heart and started touching my heart. Even in the midst of this quarrel of my maternal grandparents, I started eating, bound by a feeling of happiness.
I was in a hurry to visit the site since morning and supervise. That’s why he started leaving home early that day. I didn’t carry much, I carry some of my essentials in a small raxack bag. I filled all those things in the bag and put them on the chair near the study table. Wearing a jeans and a polo T-shirt, he was drinking tea outside the drawing and was having a last minute discussion with Nana Ji. Suddenly mother’s voice came from the kitchen and called Nani in the kitchen. Within no time Nani came with a small bag of cloth filled with tiffin box and handed it over to me. Every time I have to bear this torture of these people’s special mother’s love. I have to take me for dinner on the train at night. I do not want to be carried away from home by carrying, yet I do not want to give sorrow to all of them.
Nana Nani is sitting in the drawing room. It’s time for me to go. I got up and walked towards my room to get the bag. A lot was going on in my mind, as soon as I entered my room and turned right towards the study table, I was shocked. Mother is standing with her back against the wall near the study table. My eyes are fixed on him. For the first time in their eyes, the love that is in the heart of a girl for a boy, is in the heart of her girlfriend for a lover. A smile glimmers on his pink lips. Simultaneously his two thin lips trembled a little bit in a wonderful passion. The whole face turned red with shame. I am being seen eye-to-eye with them and a lot is being said inside. But not a single thing came to my mouth. I can’t do anything. Suddenly she rolled her eyes. As I looked down, he settled down on the chest under his throat and in the soft cleavage area like butter. The inside of my penis jeans started to rip. And then the mother came running and put her mouth in my chest and took both the hands back and held me tightly by placing them on the back. His whole body is glued to my body. He hugged me like this for the first time. Not like a mother, but like a new wife holding me. His soft soft boobs are sticking above my chest. His groin area is sticking with my Thai. His flat stomach is sticking to my groin area. He must have felt my taut penis on top of my jeans in his stomach. I punched my mouth in his hair, grabbed him with both my hands and started sticking hard with me. We were not saying anything, just feeling each other. By doing this, I said what I wanted to say and whatever I did not ask, they also got the answer. Suddenly his grip loosened and he signaled to separate his face from my chest. I let go of my hold. She stood a little apart from me, stood in front of me for a few moments, glanced down, then went fast to her room of running.
Standing there, looking in the direction of his departure, I started to feel that the next 16 days…..not just 16 days, but it seemed like 16 years. Nanaji has come after knowing the date of marriage with Panditji. That auspicious time is after 16 days from today.
Now the condition is such that after all this, how will there be 16 days now? Now I didn’t feel like leaving him for a single moment.
But yes… then I did not know that in these 16 days a lot will happen, we will get a lot, which will make the way of life ahead of us easy. And together I will also get a new thing, which was not in my luck till today, for a few days I also got a chance to love secretly with my future wife.
In fact, after reaching MP this morning, quickly freshened up and ran towards the site. The office car was there to reach me. When I reached the site with that, everyone was waiting for me, the bridge construction is going on. One side entry is going to be completed, so he had to be supervised to see if everything is going equal according to the planning and design. I am new in this work. But there are some things that a person catches quickly by applying his intellect, intelligence and common sense. Today was a very heavy day, after spending the whole day on the site, when I came back in the evening, there was nothing left in the body, came home and lay on the bed and just now broke my sleep. Along with the exhaustion of the day, sleep was also decreasing for the last few days, today its effect fell simultaneously.
I was feeling very hungry and went to eat quickly after getting fresh and got stuck. Now remembered the man who supplies tiffin, today he called in the day and told that he will not be able to give food tonight. But then I was so busy that I had cut it by saying ‘hum’, ‘ha’, ‘okay’ and later completely forgot. I live here inside a locality. The market is a bit far. On the way to office. So now in this condition, I did not get the energy to go out and eat food in such a night. I went to the kitchen. Only egg was found in the fridge. There was neither milk nor bread as it was Sunday. Started making that egg and Maggi. That’s all I know how to cook. Mother never allowed her to enter the kitchen. And trust of bachelor life, sometimes I work only with Maggi eggs. But suddenly it came to mind that now my bachelor life is going to end. Now I am going to become family man. In a few days, I will have the good fortune of eating food from mother’s hand again. But here I will get food from the hands of my wife, not of my mother. I was thinking about making Maggi tomorrow, my mother knew that I would go to the room to get the bag. So she hurriedly sent the tiffin box to Nani’s hand, hurriedly left the back porch and went to my room and kept waiting for me. Thinking of all this, a feeling of happiness started coming in my mind. Mother explained to me yesterday how happy she is now for our new relationship. She loves me with all my heart. Started loving me as my husband. All this was explained to me by his actions and by his eyes. She wanted that the confusion, hesitation and a storm of many questions was going on in my mind, in this time all that should be cleared before coming to MP. So in the last moment, she herself came and went to express everything. Now I think of her as a wife, this thing has also been explained to her. There was no time to think about it throughout the day, but now I started missing him. Don’t know why, now I have to fill them in my arms, just keep looking at their faces with eyes in their eyes.
Maggi was made, taken in the bed room and placed on the table and while sitting on the bed, picked up a spoonful of Tika on the back and started eating. But a storm started in my mind. Now I was getting desperate to get mother’s touch, to feel her heartbeat and to hear her sweet voice, I took my mobile. Was thinking that now what must have been awake in such a night !! Normally at home in Ahmedabad we all have dinner at 8.30 and in our own room at 9.30. Still today I started trying my luck. I went to the message option of the mobile and typed an SMS “I want to talk to you right now”. When I came back, I felt stupid. Then I thought for some time and deleted it and wrote only ‘Hi’. I have not had any direct conversation with him since last one week.
And now the situation is completely different. So I thought right and sent it to my mother. Yesterday mother surrendered herself to me and expressed her love for me, yet all my feelings and hesitations have not completely gone away. Some things are sitting inside me as a shame. And I know he will be. Forgetting one relationship, the other is going to join a new relationship. With time, those new relationships will continue to strengthen between us. I know that even after surrendering herself to me, the mother will also take time to adjust everything. In the midst of all these feelings, my food was done, but my mind is going on mobile again and again. Till now no reply has come. Maybe she fell asleep. I thought I’d ring them. Then it was felt that if he would take time to get up, then even his maternal grandparents would hear that voice. Nani ji is an insomniac patient, he stays awake at night sometimes. If he listens, then you will understand whose phone is this night. Because no one calls my mother very often, whatever I do. Earlier it would have been fine for so many nights, but now I feel ashamed. I got disappointed. I got an SMS as soon as I got up to go to the kitchen with a bowl and a spoon. A strange feeling started in my mind. I immediately saw the SMS. Mother sent. He also sent only ‘Hmm’. A smile played on my lips. I understand she is awake and she is also surrounded by a wonderful mix of emotion and happiness every moment like me. I sat on the bed again and with a pillow in my lap, leaning against the wall, started replying. Now that he has started talking to me, then all my talk started running inside. I started looking for the right words. Without getting anything, wrote ‘Ma are you still awake?’. I was about to press the send button when I stopped. And once again looked around and corrected the text. Are you still awake?’ After sending, I sat looking at the mobile screen but something else is going on in my mind. I was going to Ahmedabad this time and calling her mother, but after yesterday I felt that I will have to adopt a completely new relationship soon. Bip Bip. Mother has sent a reply saying ‘Hmmm’. Perhaps he must have been ashamed to answer this question. Because it took a lot of time to write that much. My heart is filling with happiness. Still awake!! Perhaps she would also be trying to figure out some solution after thinking about all the comfortable things in her, by sabotaging it. The thumbs of both my hands are now dancing on top of my mobile key pad. Storm in the mind and hesitation in the mind. I did not understand what to do–how to do or direct phone call. I typed “can I call you?”. This is the first time I am talking to my mother like this. Till today, whenever he wanted, from wherever he wanted, called him. There was no hesitation in my mind, nor did she ever say anything. Today, both of us are standing at such a turning point in the path of life, that before doing anything, there is a dilemma in our mind before speaking. Like we are two unknown human beings. All of a sudden changed for so many years and we are now engaged in measuring everything. But yes…I also know that I don’t know anything about him and he knows about me till now, from now on we will have to start getting to know each other in another way. Now the door of each other’s heart, the door which opens only for their spouse in life, will have to be opened. Time passed, but no reply came. Maybe now the mother is shy to talk directly on the phone.
I have been wanting him since last 6 years in my heart. Now that our luck is going to bring us together, then maybe I am getting so desperate to have him near me. But he has started adjusting all this from just a few days. I know they need time. In order to come from one form to another, one has to prepare herself to surrender her body and mind completely to her future husband. I want to spend the rest of my life with her by giving her husband’s love. I want to make her the happiest wife in the world. I never want to hurt them in the slightest. I want her to be my wife till the next birth. So now I want to let him be like him. In this time, keeping the stone above your mind, picked up your bowl and walked into the kitchen. As soon as the beep beep sound was heard in the kitchen. I came to the running bed room and checked by picking up the mobile. Mother replied saying ‘Yak’. Again a wonderful trance sounded under the spine’s grip. My mind started trembling. Sitting on the bed, I immediately called my mother. And as soon as the ringing started, the mother received from the gate. I waited for his hello. But he didn’t say anything. But I am able to feel his presence. It is night like this, there is silence all around, there is no sound. I can even hear the sound of his breath. I understand she is there but she is not speaking. I started to feel a slight tremor thinking that my future wife was on the other side of the phone. I was waiting for him to speak to hear his sweet voice, in fact both of us were keeping silent and we were trying to make sense of the silence between us but when nothing came from his side, I spoke. He kept the door of my heart open for him. That’s why by controlling myself, I kept searching how to start, what to ask. then I asked softly
“Nanaji, grandmother, did you sleep?”
after some time she says slowly
“ha”
There is a clear shame in his sweet voice. My heart swelled with joy. Hearing his voice, all the emotions of my mind broke. Still, without letting them feel it, he turned the talk and spoke with a light laugh.
“I just had dinner”
She fell silent a bit. and asked with a little concern in the voice
“Why so late?”
I kept speaking as normal
“He was actually tired from running on site today and fell asleep as soon as he came back”
He paused for a while and spoke again as he remembered something.
“And today even that tiffinwala did not bring food.”
She is talking intermittently. I could understand that still shyness and hesitation were preventing them from being comfortable. But this time he didn’t take the time and asked immediately.
” Why?”
“I don’t know, he had some work, so it was not given today” I said.
She fell silent for a while. then asked a little worried
“So how’s the food?”
i said softly
“Whatever I know to make, he made it – Maggi and Egg”
She thought something and said, “There is food in the hotel outside.”
Just as my mistake was caught, in the same way while clarifying said
“Yes… I do get it. But now.. in this night… I didn’t feel like going”
He said with a slight anger in his voice.
“Doing this makes your health worse”
Even now the mother’s love and concern is visible in her words. And it was also seen that today suddenly she is talking in a patient voice. I spoke thinking thinking about what to do
“Well, I won’t.”
Then what do you know how, I kept talking
“And that’s just a few days. After that it’s always your hand again…”
Paused in speaking. could not complete. For the first time like this the thing went out of my mouth. I felt ashamed too. In this way, we have not mentioned anything to each other about our marriage till date. So I stopped speaking half-heartedly. There mother also became silent. One thing happened from this thing. What did he do that till now the invisible wall between my mother and my new relationship about our new relationship started falling slowly. The same old feeling of wonderful happiness that comes in me started permeating my whole body. I completely opened the door of my heart and became very emotional. And my love for him started pouring out. A soft trembling voice came out of my throat and said
“I love you”